Go back to go forward

A man once told me that memories are something we create ourselves in our minds. Memories are something we control ourself, something we can alter and recreate. The more times we recreate them, the bigger the chances of alteration. Bad memories can become worse, dependent on when we retrieve them from our mind. If we play a happy memory at a bad time, this can affect the memory.

I once had very good memories from a certain time of my life. Then I buried them. I buried them with memories from the same place, I buried them with hate, regret and shame. I made them into something they were not. And when I tried to recollect them, they reminded me of a bad time in my life. They reminded me of hate, regret and shame, although non of these memories contained any of those feelings.

I stopped revisiting the memories, to avoid these feelings, and somehow they all disappeared,  they were deleted. Meaning, that somehow the happiest time of my life was deleted because of happenings unrelated to this time.

I once went back to a happy place in my life, just to realize it was not the same anymore and my memories was destroyed. I have ever since been worried about going back, about chasing good memories in the past. I have put everything behind, thinking that I could never get back a happy time. I was, however, wrong.

You can go back, you can revisit, and you can create even better memories. I went back again, and I realized that these memories I had made into be something bad, was nothing but good. I was able to create even better memories, and to get rid of the bad. And I now believe that this is part of a maturity process, about growing up, about learning. And I am no longer afraid of looking back, because in your past there will be a lot of things you need to go forward, not just the bad, but also the good.

Prisoner of society

If I would´ve told myself at the age of 19, that in 8 years I would live in the same country that I was born and raised in, I wouldn´t believe myself. If I would`ve told myself at 19 that I would have a 9-5 job, I would do anything I could just to fight against ending up where I am today.

We spend our lives chasing dreams we can’t support. And when we find ourself just a tad unhappy, we will find something else to chase. We had expectations and dreams, and now we find ourselves too old, too established and too reasonable to do anything about it. We just dream about new things to chase, how we can change our lives around – whether it is a new job, a new place to live, a new partner or new friends. But we are in a rut where we  can´t change our lives. We are financial dependent on stability. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own life. A prisoner that can´t fulfill my dreams because I am locked down by financial obligations.

I am finding myself chased by the biological clock, by the societies expectations, by family pressure to succeed. I am finding myself far from where I ever thought I would be at this age. I am finding myself with new and different values, and view for my future. I am finding my self with different expectations and plans than I had 5 years ago.

I am finding myself comfortable, by just dreaming. I am finding myself comfortable in my prison of expectations, and I would prefer to stay here. Because I believe that at this point, it is safer on the inside than on the outside. It is safer to live up to people expectations than to dissapoint.

Standing Still

I remember being 10 years old, standing in the school yard by my self. I remember how it felt to feel completely alone at the age of 10. To be picked last in gym, to be told I couldn´t participate in certain games. I remember the feeling very well.

I remember I had to build a shield, so strong that no one would be able to break me. I didn´t want to give them the satisfaction of breaking me. I remember putting on a brave face, a brave face that grew stronger as I grew older. I remember having to play a role, so no one would think I was vulnerable, so I wouldn’t appear weak.

I remember very well how horrible kids can be. I remember being horrible too, because I learned that it was the only way to survive. I treated people the only way I knew how; the way I was treated.

I always wondered about this; why kids are so horrible. Why kids are so cruel to each other. Why kids treat other kids as if they are worthless. Where do they get it from? And it has been a mystery up until the technology evolved to the point where everyone have access to the internet. To the point where parents and grown ups are almost more online than we are.

Because if you sit down and read comments, and opinions on the internet, the worst people right now are the “grown-ups”, the parents – the “role models”. And I always knew that people in general could be horrible, I mean, look at the world we live in. But how can anyone expect anything to ever change when we are teaching our children to be horrible to other children. We behave towards others the way others behave towards us. We learn to interact, and to communicate by looking at other people, by looking at older and experienced people. And it goes around in a circle, and it comes back to you in one form or another.

It disappoints me deeply to see the way we are treating each other. And it pains me to see that while the everything around us is evolving, the human race is standing still.

Dear past, present and future me.

There are many things you are afraid of today that I hope you are not afraid of in the future. Remember that there was things you were afraid of in the past that no longer is frightening. Remember that you can accomplish the goals you set for yourself, you just have to try a little harder. Remember nothing is impossible. Remember that the people that cross your path do so for a reason. They cross your path to make you stronger, to make you feel, to support you, and to help you on your way. Remember that just because a lot of people have come and left does´t mean the people in your life right now will leave too. Its up to you to nurture the relationships you appreciate and want to keep in your life.

Nothing in life is free. That means both tangible and intangible things. Friendships, family, romantic relationships, colleagues. You have to give to get. You can never give enough. If it wasn´t appreciated, at least you tried. Don´t hold back in the future because it wasn`t appreciated in the past. Don´t be afraid to let your guard down, its the only way you can let people in, and the only way to truly be yourself. Don´t belittle yourself. You can do so much more, and don´t let people tell you that you can´t. Always believe in yourself.

You are the only person who have to be happy with yourself. The people who loves you will appreciate your flaws, or learn to live with them. If they don´t, they might just be passing by to teach you a life lesson.

Never give up. Always keep a strong mind, and a strong heart. Never let anyone make you doubt your choices or your opinion. Stick to your decisions. Never forget how important the people in your life is to you. Never forget how you got to where you are. Never forget who helped you along the way, and who made you who you are. It´s OK to let go of hate.   It´s OK to forgive. Its OK to forget. It OK to feel safe right where you are. Its OK to be comfortable. Its OK to be happy. It`s OK to appreciate life, just the way it is.


27 year old me.

The other way around

I don`t think people know how having negative thoughts can really weigh down your life. And I don`t think we are aware of how many thoughts we have a day that can be categorized as negative. I believe that negative thoughts will lead to a negative mood, which is why the same daily tasks can seem more challenging some days than others. This negativity can drain you and take away the appreciation for the little things – and I believe that it is the little things that determines your true happiness.

I keep talking about this because I find it so important, and because I have to remind myself these things. But I do believe it is the difference in your mind-set that determines whether you will be successful or not, whether you will achieve your goals or not, or whether you will be happy or not.

It is the mind-set that determines who you are and who you will become in life. What part you play in your workplace, in your relationship, in your family or in your friendships. It will determine whether getting up in the mornings are easy, or difficult.

I believe a positive mind-set is key to survive, and to have a happy life. Because somehow, as human beings, we are never satisfied and nothing is ever good enough for long periods of time.

When you keep thinking that you will never make it, that its difficult, it`s complicated – then that is exactly what it`ll be. You are sabotaging yourself. And a problem with girls is that we are sabotaging each other. Because if one starts with one negative thing about themselves, we all follow and name things we are feeling negative about. We are sort of cheering each other on towards failure.

It should be the other way around.




Communication in Social Media

I´ve always wanted to improve my communication skills, because I have this problem with wording and explaining. But I never thought it was this bad. And I do believe one of the reasons why my generation might not be so good at this is because of social media.

We are used to communicating via the internet, where we have some time to think about what to say before we write it. However, there are not only positive sides to online communication, because it is very easy to misunderstand. This is because we are not able to see the persons face, tone, or gesticulations. We can never really know if its sarcasm, joking or if it is damn serious – unless maybe if you know the person and understand their values. But still, this communication failure on social media can create unnecessary fights in relationships or drama in a friendship, solely based on misunderstandings, or because you forgot to include an emoji. But those things can always be corrected, because you can always explain face to face that it was not how you meant it. But when you post something online, and people who does not know you read it, its not that easy to correct all the misunderstandings – mostly because you might not always know who misunderstood you. And also, when it is online it never goes away.

I read about a women who had written a sarcastic tweet that was meant to be funny, and was aimed at a completely different group than those who got offended. This one tweet turned her life around whereas she was shamed online by thousands of strangers and lost her job.And I starter thinking how dangerous social medias actually can be. People go together and shame people that has shared a different view than what you have. It´s like they´re the moral police trying to take away the freedom of speech for the people who have different beliefs than they do.

I mean, I often believe the opposite of what people post. I often wonder if they are straight up dumb, or that people with certain comments shouldn’t be allowed to own a social media account. I can read comments on comments and entertain myself with the stupidity and the engagement. I mean, what just happened with letting people be people, and let people be? What happened with minding your own business? It seams as certain people are online looking for cases they can engage themselves in and shame strangers for doing things differently. I just don´t get it. I really don´t get it.

But point was that communication might be harder than ever, and both the sender and the receiver have a responsibility in this social media time. The sender must think about how this can be explained as good as possible, and the receiver have to be careful to not jump to conclusions. We are going to coexist in this world for hopefully a long time, let´s make sure we understand each other as good as possible.



27 year old me.

The complicated man

I find the male sex very interesting at times. It`s very funny how we have (I have) an overall perception of how they are as a specious. It is very easy to say that all men are scumbags and assholes, and then you have the exceptions. I don`t think I`ve ever heard that all men are nice, and that the assholes are the exception.

I think it has to do with the age I am at, and the ages I have passed. Because I believe that the perception of men also changes as the people around you do. So while most eighteen to twenty-something guys are idiots, many of them grow into men (some later than others). Same as how girls with daddy issues can grow into women (again, some later than others).

I also love how the man has to feel like the man. They have to feel like they are in charge, that they are the man over all men. They need to feel as they have agreed to the decision you made, that they agreed on the interior you chose, and that they have agreed on the strategy you are going for. They have to think that they have come up with the ideas. They need to feel that the ideas are their ideas. That they have participated, and contributed to whatever it is that you are doing.

And one thing I have come to realize, which I haven`t thought about – is how females makes decision without including the men. I think this is because often it`s things the guy don`t really care about, so it doesn`t matter. But as soon as it`s something he cares about he wants to be included.

They guy who made me think about this, also mentioned the woman`s mom often being more included than the woman`s partner. And I get it, because I would trust my mom over anyone else, so it`s easy to make decisions with her, and exclude my partner from the discussion. What happens then is that we make plans with our mothers, about interior and parenting and the man doesn’t have a saying. So your mom asks what you want for Christmas, you say you don`t know, she suggest a solution to what you might need, and you agree with her. Then your boyfriend ends up getting china he has not asked for and is not interesting in having, because he was not included in the decision that we needed that china. But if you had showed it to him in advance he would`ve done the normal `not really paying attention` – nod. And when you then get it for Christmas he would feel as if it was his idea, even though he actually still wasn`t included.. I am starting to think that men are just as complicated as women..